One smile can’t change the world, but yours can change mine. ― kMoN
I know you’re hurting.
And it must feel like nobody understands. I can only pretend to understand what you’re going through. I can only imagine that it must feel like shit. Like the mountain just crumbled and the sky just fell. And there you are, standing under it all and feeling like you’re supposed to hold it.
I know you’re scared.
What if you are not exactly where you’re supposed to be? Nothing seems to align and it is exhaustive to keep trying to find the purpose that doesn’t want to be found. The pressure is just too much and nobody cares to listen to the whole story. Everyone keeps running over you as if you were a road…as if you were meant to support the scheme they plan underneath.
Sometimes it gets worse when you get home. The nagging, the fight, the noises. The unnecessary questions and loud silence. The pain and regret of what was once there. The piles of scatters and thorns that, once upon a time, were halos. The roof can no longer ward off the weather because the storm is from within.
Why do you keep fighting?
Nobody wants to die in vain, having found no reason to die for. Sometimes you know the whole thing is a mistake, but you gotta make them, anyway. You want to defend the value you created. You owe it to yourself to make the choices and tolerate the consequences. You owe it to your conscience to fight for yourself and what you believe in. If you’re not scared, then what the hell are you doing?
I know it’s too much.
Every touch of pain is an experiment for your goals, but everything falls apart everywhere. It hurts until you forget who you are. It hurts until you shut down all the noises and, in the process, your body becomes a host to an unknown soul. How is it possible that one person could feel this much amount of pain?
It’s so easy to give in, bursting your bubble of darkness and spilling it onto those with brighter lights. It has to explode somewhere, does it not? You, then, are left with twice the size of your original bubble, if not more.
How do you stop it?
How do you undarken yourself? How do you stop this huge and unpredictable bubble so as to not explode those around you?
Shift your focus away from the negativity. Ask not why those people hurt you. Instead, ask why you allow yourself to be the channel that spreads the pain. You do not have any control over the source that commands their wrath, but you do have some say over yours.
Open your mind. Let yourself receive the love offered through a more peaceful channel and appreciate that. It’s so easy to forget that we have just as many happy and beautiful channels if we care to look. Collect the shards of love and put it in a pocket called heart.
Let love win.
Sometimes, my dear, it takes all the hate in the world to remind you just how much love you have.