The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. ― Mencken
I guess it runs in our souls ― those things we never knew how people do so well. In the end, all that matters is happiness. Oh, we would be nothing but fools to think we can be happy once we get older, richer, more beautiful. We would be nothing but fools to believe the dread can only be felt by us.
I am an author, but I am also a runner. ‘Oh, she runs so fast,’ says the people behind me. ‘Oh, why is she so slow?’ says the people ahead of me. I am torn between them. I would be lying if I told you that I am not. I would be lying in every behavior that I showed you…I showed you as if I didn’t care.
I was born an author, but I am still in school. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’ve learned a lot, met some of the greatest people, and done some of the wackiest things. I’ve been wrong more times than I can count. I also figured out that some of the things I had thought to be the worst mistakes I made are actually the perfectly right ones.
What the hell am I talking about?
Oh, you know. Believe me, you do. We all make decisions based not on what we know but how we feel. Those things that taught us, they mean something. And they can only mean something if we let them. You can only be inspired by something because those things already exist in you; somebody just had to arrange it and point it out to you.
Time and time again, we change. Oh, but we are never changing for something or someone. We are never changing just because of the trend. All along we have been trying to find ourselves despite all the rules and distractions. We have been trying to find “us” every time one theory catches fire. We have been trying to find ourselves without the faulty external data.
I was an INFJ before I turned to an INFP. Now, I am a combination of 4 letters I am not exactly sure I am proud of. I loved someone, hated them, loved them again. I loved singing, stopped for years, and sang again. I thought my writing got so good until I went back to see the piece I wrote when I was 4 years old.
It’s like we are all in a simulation. Some of us will see the pattern and die a peaceful death. And some of us will never wake up, running towards the next point in circles after each one burn.
It was never about how much time you have, my friend. The secret to life is to feel. You cannot feel your emotions all at once; you can only feel them one at a time. You can only be happy once you are fully connected with yourself. You never had to be someone. All you have to be is you. The thing is nobody really has the gut to be that.
What made me pick up a pencil is what made you pick up a ball, a camera, or a microphone.
Of course, you are going to grow and improve. And if you do find that one day when everything makes sense, it is because the line is bent and you see your life in one circle. You will have run the whole circle just to reach the beginning.
I guess it runs in our souls ― those things we never knew how people do so well. Perhaps we need to understand that it is not a point of our circle.
© VITAK CHEAV